Yes, I know we haven’t had much of a Web site lately. Never fear. Some degenerate who’s lost at Fanduel.com for 16 straight weeks will Google this and click.
Here’s the deal. You’ve shelled out money to this awesome legal gambling site for over two months now, and you have nothing to show for it. Here’s your chance. Week 17 of the NFL season may be meaningless to your buddy league, or your work league, or any number of those free leagues you signed up for just to feel like a winner. But it means big money opportunities at Fanduel, God’s gift to gambling junkies.
I’m going to take The Real KC’s approach here and pretend I have $50. Let’s say some kindly old aunt gave it to me for Christmas because she was too lazy to go out and buy me a gift when she got my name in the family drawing. Whatever. Here’s how I’d spend it at Fanduel:
Two entries in the $25 NFL Bomb. With a grand prize of 3k I’m spending auntie mildred’s money very carefully here, but then again, I’m taking big chances to outsmart my competition. The Bomb has a max of 667 entries and is, as of this writing, about 1/4th full. Here’s who I pick:
Salary cap $60k
Word is Tom Brady has a slight shoulder problem, but I don't believe that sh!t for a minute.
QB-Tom Brady vs. BUF ($9800): Brady and Cam Newton are tied for the highest cap numbers for a QB this week. Brady will be worth every penny, fighting for a #1 overall seed in the AFC playoffs and a passing title vs. a very suspect Bills pass defense. But keep in mind, everybody will be thinking this. I still do it because I want those points. Tricksier picks forthcoming.
RB-C.J. Spiller @ NWE ($6900): Spiller’s been a top-3 RB over the past two weeks putting up monster PPR numbers to go along with three total TDs. The Bomb counts receptions for 1/2 a point. Sold. Spiller should not be this cheap vs. a very soft Patriots defense.
RB-Felix Jones @ NYG ($6300): Jones looks like he’ll play this Sunday, and is coming off of two straight 100 yard games since taking over for the injured DeMarco Murray (not counting his early exit last week). This is a must win for the ‘Boys, so he’s guaranteed minutes.
WR-Hakeem Nicks vs. DAL ($7600): For the same reason I’m starting Jones, I’m starting Nicks. In a must-win with shootout potential, I know I’ll get valuable minutes from the Giants most consistent receiver. The icing is that many will be scared off by Nicks’s re-injured hammy. Don’t be. He’ll play.
WR-Steve Johnson @ NWE ($6700): Speaking of consistent…Johnson gets a terrible Patriots pass D, and the Bills would love to play spoiler.
WR-Nate Burleson @ GNB ($6000): One of my favorites for this game because he’s always undervalued, Burleson gets a bad Packers’ pass D that probably won’t be trying. The Lions, however, will be, as they need a win to lock up a #5 seed.
TE-Jermaine Gresham @ CIN ($5400): Eh, the Bengals need a win and you need a cheap, healthy TE who’s sure to play.
PK-Nick Novak @ OAK ($5100): I always just pick a cheap, healthy kicker.
DEF-Atlanta vs. TAM ($5300): Again, we go undervalued here. ATL has a tasty matchup at home vs. a terrible team, in a game they’ll be motivated to win. Now if the Lions win, thus knocking Atlanta out of contention for the #5 spot, all bets are off. But chances are the defense comes to play regardless after last week’s embarrassing affair vs. Drew Brees.
That’s a pretty conventional team with some safe bets. But here, with my other hypothetical $25, I’m taking a riskier approach.
QB-Matthew Stafford @ GNB ($9100): For $700 less than Brady I get a highly productive, motivated-to-win QB against a bad pass D that probably doesn’t care. Cha-friggin-ching.
There's lots to like about Matthew Stafford, including the excuse he gives me to post pictures of hot, scantily-clad girls.
RB-Kendall Hunter @ STL ($5000): Here’s where we get sneaky. Hunter busted out for a season high 12 carries and a season high 73 rushing yards last week. This week, as the weekly-injured Frank Gore likely sits for over half the game, Hunter could go wild against a terrible Rams run D. At $5000 there’s no better bang for your buck.
RB-Kahlil Bell @ MIN ($5300): Since taking over the featured job in Chi-town, Bell has averaged about 20 PPR fppg (over two full starts) and gets a less-than-adequate and banged up Minny team this week. This will serve as Bell’s final audition for a starting job, provided the Bears elect not to pay the IR’d Matt Forte this off-season. Bell has NFL size, and three good games to end the year may get him paid.
WR-Calvin Johnson @ GNB ($8500): See Matt Stafford. Megatron has 316 yards and three TDs over his last three games! Last time he saw Green Bay, when they were trying, he got them for 49 and a score. He’s worth it.
WR-Victor Cruz vs. DAL ($7500): Go big or go home. Grabbing two cheap RBs allowed me to stack this team with very talented WRs, including the Giants best deep play threat in a game that matters.
WR-Wes Welker vs. BUF ($8200): Same deal. I literally have the three most expensive WRs who are playing for sure meaningful games, thanks to my frugality at RB.
TE-Brandon Pettigrew @ GNB ($5600): Even a good play here, Pettigrew is coming off a monster game, and could be in for another vs. the hapless and potentially apathetic Packers this week 17.
PK-Mike Nugent vs. BAL ($5100): Whatever.
DEF-San Francisco @ STL ($5300): This could be a risky play, as several ‘Niners could sit. No matter. The Rams, and possibly Kellen Clemens again, have too much potential to stink it up for me to pass on their opposing defense.